Overspending is harder to avoid than you think. Learn why balancing frugality, wants, needs, and social pressure is tough — plus tips to help.

I can not help from feeling that life has become so much about buying. On one side, it is good that goods and services are easily available, more than ever. And, even extreme frugality is not actually beneficial for us. But, how to find the sweet spot between overspending and extreme saving. To be honest, as a stay at home mom I have a very difficult time of finding this balance. Although over time maybe I have gotten better, a little. But, anytime I see that I have spent a little more, I can not help but feel a remorse. Did I really need these? But, If I am saving too much, I feel like I am depriving my kids and family of happiness.

What really bothers me about spending nowadays, is how it has become a reflection on intellegence, taste and creativity. If you have money you have the option to buy the most expensive thing. You can decorate your house in the most beautiful way. Even if you are not good at decor, you can even hire a professional. That is why, I think that one thing that motivates us to spend more, is because other people are doing it. It becomes even more difficult when your kid is in school. There is the social presure for your kids to have everything that their friends have.

There are some things that I have changed in my mindset, that have helped when it comes to managing the finances.

If you are preasumely , a family like ours, a modern middle class family, you are likely not starving, but you do not have enough to buy anything you want. There are some tips that will help you first of all feel better about yourself.

1. I dont believe in buying only what you need.

If I am thinking of buying only what I need to save money, than I would have to cut off so many things that are very important to me. Do I need to go on vacation? I can live without a vacation, but it is not some thing that I want to give up unless I absolutely have to. My kids are young, and going on vacation is our favorite time together. But, we can save on where we go. We do not need to go on luxorious hotels. And even if it is just a few days, I love having that time together. Same as going out to eat. Most fininacial advice nowadays, is to eat home. And going out to eat is very expensive nowadays. But, even though most days I cook, going out to eat once in a while is very important to us as a family.

2. Choose some things that are important and leave the others.

To me the some of the luxuries that I want are, spending in experineces with my kids, and decorating my house the way I want to. Right now, if we meet our basic needs and still have money left, I would rather spend in experinces with my kids while they are young. Even though I would love to decorate my house, that has to wait for now. My house is pretty empty, decoration wise, it does not reflect my taste at all, but that is something that I am putting for no aside for now.

3. Life costs a lot.

If somedays, you are back home for the supermarket or the mall, and check your spendings, you feel like you have spent so much. And you are not a reckless sepnder, you keep track of what you buy. Still, what happened? Dont feel bad. Life has become so expensive. Especially groceries. But, do not despair and keep doing what you are doing. Continue to keep lists and track fo your money, even though you think it doesnt help, it does.

4. Be careful of social pressure

I strongly believe that social pressure shouldn't be a factor in your finance decisions at all. That doesn't mean that you should't like trendy things. But, you should like them for yourself. I think that the best example of social pressure buying is when you have a baby. There are just so many things mothers are buying. It is crazy. Many products are for different situations and don't apply to all of us. Think of what you really want and need, not what will other think.

5. Sometimes, you will make financial mistakes.

When something didn't turn out the way I wanted to, I would feel awful. Now, I have shifted this mindset, and accept that sometimes I will buy the wrong thing. Sometimes, you can do something about it (return it, resell it) sometimes not. But, this doesnt mean you should be reckless. Keep thinking, evaluating and analyzing before making a decision.

6. Dont ask "do I need this?". Ask"i what way this matters to me?"

As I mentioned earlier, I am not a fan of the old time "do I really need this?" question. I don't really need a pretty dress but occasionally I am going to want one. Does my kid need that toy? They don't, but I want to make them happy once in a while. What you should ask is " In what way this thing matters to me?".
This question shifts the focus from guilt to value. Maybe that dress makes you feel confident for a special event. Maybe that toy becomes part of a memory your child will cherish. If something adds joy, connection, or meaning to your life — and you can afford it without sacrificing your essentials — then it matters. And that’s enough.

It’s not about cutting everything out. It’s about being intentional with what stays in.

Keep in mind that average person is estimated to be exposed to 4,000 to 10,000 ads per day. Managing the finances has become so difficult. Finding the balance between what we need and want is very hard. Some days you’ll feel like you got it right. Other days you’ll feel regret. That’s okay. What matters is that you’re paying attention. You’re thinking. You’re growing. And that means you're already ahead.

If you’ve ever felt stuck between overspending and being too frugal — just know: you’re not alone. Many of us are walking that same line. In time you will get better at it.